3 Things I Wish Every Parent Did Before Their Child Left for College
As a therapist who has worked with teens and college students for years, there is one thing I want every parent to understand before their child leaves for college:
Your child does not need to be perfectly prepared. But they do need to feel as confident as humanly possible that they can handle life without you standing next to them.
College is a huge transition.
New classes. New friends. A new environment. A new schedule. Maybe a roommate. Maybe living away from home for the first time. And they have to manage when to eat.
There is already enough that is brand new.
The more skills your child has practiced before they get there, the more confident they will feel when they walk onto that campus.
When I work with kids, that’s always the goal: confidence through competence. Often the kids I work with are super smart and I am not worried about the academic piece. I am however VERY worried about how they will manage without their parents.
Here are the three things I wish every parent would do before their child leaves for college.
1. Teach them how to do their own laundry.
Laundry isn’t really about laundry. If you have read my book, Mental Health Uncensored 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs To Know. Then you know it’s about independence, time management, and so many other great skills.
Your child doesn’t build confidence by being told they’re capable. They build confidence by doing things.
Will they make mistakes?
Probably (actually, yes! They will absolutely make mistakes).
That’s okay.
I’d much rather have your child accidentally shrink a shirt at home than stand in a college laundry room staring at a washing machine thinking, Oh crap. Now what?
Give them the opportunity to practice while you’re still there to answer questions.
2. Let them learn how to wake themselves up.
If you are still waking your teenager up every morning for school, sports, or activities, it’s time to start stepping back.
I know.
You’re thinking, But if I don’t wake them up, they’re going to be late.
Maybe they will (actually they will, I am almost positive! But they will figure it out).
And that’s actually part of learning.
College is not the time to discover that your child doesn’t know how to get themselves out of bed.
Start practicing now.
Let them set their alarm. Let them get themselves up. Let them experience what happens when they don’t.
The goal isn’t to punish them.
The goal is to help them develop a skill they are going to need when you aren’t there.
3. Stop managing their academics for them.
This one is a big one.
Get off PowerSchool.
Get off Schoology.
Stop checking every assignment, email, grade, and missing homework notification.
I know why parents do it.
You’re worried.
You want your child to succeed.
And sometimes you think, If I stay on top of everything, they’ll get better grades.
But here’s the problem:
If your child only gets those grades because you are managing their academics, they may not actually be ready for the academic demands of college.
I’ve seen too many students go to colleges where, academically, they really weren’t prepared for the level of work.
But they got there anyway because their parents had been heavily involved in making sure everything got done.
Then college happened.
Mom and Dad weren’t sitting next to them.
Nobody was checking PowerSchool.
Nobody was reminding them about the assignment.
Nobody was emailing the teacher.
And suddenly, the student was responsible for everything.
I’ve seen this become devastating for a student’s confidence and self-esteem.
The goal isn’t to get your child the highest possible grades in high school.
The goal is to help your child become the person who can manage their own life.
That means letting them experience some struggle while the stakes are still relatively low.
And the best way to build that confidence is to give your child opportunities to practice being independent before they leave. I designed a great guidebook for parents to teach all of these skills and more.
Let them do the laundry.
Let them wake themselves up.
Let them manage their academics.
Will they do everything perfectly?
Absolutely not.
But that’s not the point.
The point is that when they walk onto that college campus, they can look at themselves and think, “I can do this.”
And that confidence is worth far more than a perfectly managed high school transcript.
If you’re wondering whether your teen has the practical skills they need to navigate college independently, that’s exactly why I created my College Readiness Shop simple, practical resources designed to help teens learn the everyday skills college requires.
Because getting your child ready for college isn’t just about packing the right things for their dorm room.
It’s about making sure they know how to take care of themselves once you aren’t in the room.
You got this! And so do they!
-Keri